In case you were wondering…

imageIn case you were wondering…

…here’s what I did today:

Got a foot in the face at 5:30 am, followed by a “MOMMMMMMY–IT’S NOT DARK OUT–TIME TO BE UP!”. Whatever that means. {eye roll}

Put Bubble Guppies on, in an attempt to get Penel to fall back asleep (in our bed), which she does not…or maybe she did ’til 6:30…couldn’t tell ya! BUT I certainly fell back asleep–with one eye open–God forbid she escapes and wakes her brother down the hall. (Who typically sleeps ’til 7:30-8!) Bless that boy. 

she woke back up at 7, saying “I’m going outside to find Daddy! Bye mom! .” Bribed her again to come back into bed–simply because I wasn’t ready–MY BODY WASN’T READY –to walk yet. (Rough gym day on Tuesday… Sore gluteus MAXIMUS)

Finally Got up, tripped over a pillow, and followed her to the toilet at 7:50-ish. (Ok, judging by the time lapse, she fell back asleep for sure.)

Wiped a butt.

Poor Ollie woke up to a large toddler HOISTING her body into his crib (nightmare-ish, I’m sure) –therefor, started off his day with a scream of horror.

I put a folded pile of his clothes away…and changed him, made him a bottle, fed him some apple cinnamon oatmeal, gave Penel a yogurt, cleaned her mess,

wiped hands, mouths, necks, Chins…

Went back upstairs, got them both dressed. Dressed myself too. STRANGE.

Went to target. Grabbed formula, and a bowtie for Ollie. Duh.

Grabbed coffee.(Should’ve gotten 2!)

came home, swept house. Wiped butt(s).

untangled the kids as Penelope was bear-hugging her brother nonstop… flattening him like a pancake on the floor while he screamed over and over again. Pleasant.

Threw a load of laundry in.

Unloaded dishwasher. Reloaded dishwasher.

Penel took couch cushions off couches and made a trampoline indoors.

Made lunch for kids. Penelope fed hers to Mickey and Minnie (her plastic figurines –who now need baths). Atleast they enjoyed Nonnie’s shepherds pie leftovers.

Cleaned lunch from kids. Swept floor again. Picked crud out of high chair.

Supplied a shoulder to cry on when P went flying off the rocking recliner. that lasted 2 seconds.

Hugged the baby as he cried–because, yet again– was attacked by his sister.

Pulled her away from the fridge 4 times in a row as she reached in, grabbed whipped cream, and said she wanted “just a little taste” for snack. No Penel. Whipped cream is not a snack.

Gave Ollie a bottle, changed his diaper, got the mail, went through old mail and tossed what was necessary, took garbage out, peed, and sucked down rest of my watered down coffee.

Then he repeatedly bit my shoulder.

Warmed up leftover fish from last night which I forgot about–until I realized the house stunk like Seabra Supermarket, and so a half hour later ate the fish. Mmm.

Answered 34 toddler questions. Put on a show for the kids. Played play-doh and opened about 3-5 “play-doh surprise eggs” Penel made. Gave P a snack.

Put Ollie down for a nap. Changed laundry load. Wiped another butt. Swept living room. Watered plants.

Took Penelope outside to play, set up patio furniture. Came back in for her to pee, grabbed her yet another snack–and drink–and played on the seesaw in the new yard.

Ollie woke up, I wiped his butt, got him some pirates booty, and Penel too (kid loves snacks).

took labels off wine bottles in an attempt to start a crafting session I have up my sleeve.

Put some music on, let them unload the entire “kid” drawer of plastic dishes and cups in the kitchen. Picked that up, and put that away. Shuffled them back into playroom where Penelope screamed (5 minutes later), “OLLIE POOPED!” …changed him. P-U.

Left the bathroom door open, turned around, and found Ollie playing in toilet water. Washed his hands, shut bathroom door, relocated him to the playroom where Penel attacked him yet again. Brought her into kitchen with crayons to keep her busy. That lasted 4 minutes.

In crawls Ollie Boy, eating play-doh. Purple play-doh.

He takes every magnet off the fridge.

Penel goes potty, I left bathroom door open again (clearly didn’t learn my lesson). Sent her on her way.

…about 5 minutes later realize Penelope was way too quiet.

Walk into the playroom to find the Incredible Hulk action figure covered in Spongebob band-aids. Poor fella.

Asked how the Hulk got hurt, and was told “I punched him and now he has lots of boo-boos”.

Look over to see my empty coffee cup on the carpet, with its remains (mostly backwash and melted iced) poured into Penelope’s kid kitchen sink, with a wooden spoon sticking out of the liquid. Was told that was some “coffee soup”.

Ollie is somehow now behind me chewing on the straw from my former medium iced. I’m so confused.  Its now 2:00 pm.

MOMS DON’T STOP. ‘Nuff said.

DO NOT question what I do.

Just buy me WINE. AND CHOCOLATE. And tell me how cute I look when I’m bitchy.

Goodnight…and thank you.


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