crusty noses.

It is honestly so fun to pick your kids nose when they are asleep. My two currently have sooooo much crust in and around their noses–pillsbury would be jealous. It’s really the only way to accurately clean the “schnozzola” and you don’t need to worry about them whipping their heads around or screaming when you come bolting at them with a wad of Kleenex. Sometimes I’m shocked at the size of the clusters that can even make their way into Ollies nostrils in the first place. Like, how did that booger clump get so big that it was able to drop down into a ‘moms eye view’? Anyway–it’s out, and added to my booger collection. Kidding!! EW.

On account of the holiday season, I’m THANKING my children for GIVING me opportunities left and right to drink alcohol. –annnnnd thanking you, as the reader for allowing this upcoming rant session to occur. Oh–you didn’t know? Sorrrrrrrry.

I can feel it, I just don’t know how to get it.

I’m not going to lay here like a good-for-nothin’ in my bed with my hair in a mom bun and tell you that being a mom is the most amazing and rewarding thing under the sun where you feel nothing but appreciation for raising the darn family and that all is “peaches”. Phewf. IT’S HARD–and it sucks sometimes. No one thanks you, except maybe your toddler when you give them an M&M which is really cute for about 4 seconds until they do something rude again. No one tells you that what you are doing is wonderful and that raising your children will be the hardest thing you do…evvvvvvva.

this adorable moment of silence was brought to you in part by…Penelope Violet, with the help of our sponsors, M&M. 

No one tells you that even though you aren’t “clocking in” for this job every day, that you can’t actually “clock out” because, of course– being a dead beat mom is frowned upon in this day and age. I’m thankful that I haven’t moved out yet–alone that is, to a one bedroom hut in St. Lucia. LISTEN, if I could just change my underwear each day without being asked why my ‘rear-end’ is wiggly, that’d be wonderful. I don’t know about you people, but sometimes, as a stay at home mom, you get stuck.

hi. my name’s ollie. I LEGIT LIVE IN MY CARSEAT. I’m happy here, though.

Stuck in the “goo goo gaa gaa” of it all and feel like you need to bolt out the door the second someone capable of keeping an eye on your kids walks in. That’s actually what I did the other day when my hubby came home. He walked in the door, and I sprinted out–ran a mile, and then came back. HOLY CRAP–DO THAT! Or even walk…walk fast… something. Just get out. It helps. They are legit my Velcro and I love them SO MUCH… BUTTT, my god, does it feel good when you get a break. Someone calls you by your real name, they don’t spill things and barf on you, they don’t insult your jiggly rear end– it’s kinda nice! Stay At Home Drama wouldn’t exist if the kiddies didn’t make me a nut job so I sure am thankful for that. Let me turn off my depression switch and we can chat about fun holiday stuff instead. Like, how my family does an annual yankee swap each year–that’s fun!

I see a ‘Tom Brady chin’ in this boys future.

I AM truly not an ungrateful son of a B, and I’m very fortunate that my family and friends are healthy and happy people (for the most part, because we killed off all the idiots). I’m thankful that the aggravation of a toddler “problem” or a teething baby are my only daily setbacks. I just wanted to VENT over the public internet to get some things off my chest and onto yours tonight– so kind, right?! Hey–someone’s gotta hear it. In the end, there are more good times than bad, and other days you have to SEARCH to find the S.A.H.M. positives–like, being in your pajamas ’til 4pm…and then realizing changing into a new pair for bed would just be silly. Also, there’s that moment when you tuck them into bed and end the night on a high note.  Ollie gets a big wet smooch on the forehead, plugged with the binky, his blankies nestled around him, and goes to sleep (usually requires we “re-plug” him a few times). Penel insists we read “Goodnight Moon” and then sing that lovely “finger family” song from Youtube, followed by “if you’re happy and you know it” and “twinkle twinkle”.  Tonight, as I was walking out of her room–for the fifth or sixth time, she yelled “Love ya!” and blew me a kiss. NOW–that’s cute. 

…and that’s when you feel special as a Mama.


sometimes it’s fun to act stupid, a little ghetto–and like a duck. (…and YES i do this stuff sober.)

Crafts will be coming along, yummy holiday treats, fun pictures, and DIY ideas…so stick with me. Like my children… A.K.A. The Velcro!


p.s. I can’t type anymore because the meatballs are ready and I can smell them from across the house and down the hall. ABOUT TO CONSUME 17.

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