twick or tweat!

As Penelope and I sat in the playroom drinking our oh-so-spooky halloween smoothies this afternoon (super simple recipe below), I can’t help but get excited for her to actually TRICK OR TREAT tomorrow! Predictably, she saw the Cookie Monster fuzzy costume suit and it was all over, leaving only one option for little Ollie…ELMO. It’ll be cute though–even IF I’m not into the whole “character thing”, I guess I can deal for just one night.  Of course, good old Daddy let Penelope pick her costume out this year.  I guess telling him that she still doesn’t really understand the concept so I could still have her dress up as anything I wanted–didn’t fly. Whatever! Me want cookie too, let’s face it. 

She thinks it’s so funny that you can go up to houses and get free candy for ONE NIGHT ONLY (despite the fact that she’s been doing that at my parents house since birth), and she keeps saying “twick aw tweatin’ mom” and holding an empty bowl in front of me, as if I should fill it up and tell her I like her costume…aka her footy pajamas. I swear, kids learn from the age of ZERO that they aren’t going to listen to their parents unless threatened or bribed. Don’t understand where I’m coming from? Please allow me to elaborate…for example…eh heh hemmm…

I give Penelope her lunch, she doesn’t eat it.  I tell her she can have a special treat if she finishes her plate…and she licks the plate clean. Done. Bribed her–mission completed. I mean, it’s the truth. Why kill yourself over the everyday struggle of mealtime? BRIBE the kid and you’re good. Kidding. Disclaimer: DON’T take parenting tips from me. Ha. Let’s just say it’s working pretty well for Halloween season.  We are trying to limit her treat intake to ONE a day because it’s become nuts this month. On the flip side, she is obsessed with her oral hygiene.

…Then there was this night–two nights ago, where I was laying in Penel’s little toddler bed with her, doing the nightly torture routine–I mean bedtime ritual, and she nearly brought me to tears.  After reading a few books to her, including some new ones we added to our Halloween collection, she paused, looked at me while holding my face in her little palm, and said “you need to cut your eyebrows”. I almost peed my pants laughing, and even had her repeat herself to make sure I was hearing correctly. Seriously child? When I don’t groom, I expect you to be the LAST one to notice. You and your father, both.  How does she even know that I trim them in the first place? I literally can’t. Like, hi…worry about toddler things, like  brushing your teeth, going potty, and when you’ll score your next m&m–instead of my unibrow. Thannnks. 

We figured it’d be fun for Penelope to help with the pumpkin carving this year.  Daddy and P emptied out all that “gross stuff” as Penel called it, and I roasted the seeds and carved the face of it!  Daddy wanted a total boring jack-o-lantern to mimic the bright orange pail that every kid and their mother has from wal-mart, but we had different plans.  I said… If we are going to make a “basic bitch” pumpkin, we are giving that broad nice plump lips and winged eyelashes.  She can still have the hillbilly teeth like all the jacks do.  Everybody wins.  Penel said “oh this is gweat mom–good job makin’ my punkin face”.  Daddy also admitted he couldn’t have made it that cute.

 Her new things/lovely habits include but are not limited to,  playing pretend where she calls my husband and I “Mommy and Daddy Dino” apparently from a show or something;  making chicken clucking sounds (BOCK! BOCK!) at the top of her lungs while walking slowly with her rear end slightly sticking out;  Taking toys from her brother while sweetly saying “You don’t need that toy Ollie Boy–it’s MINE”; Using the word “because” when explaining reasons for her actions; and lastly, referring to us, her parents, as “guys”.  Used in a sentence… “Hey guys, what are ya doin’?”—OH–and telling Ollie to “say AHH” with her mouth wide open modeling what he should do so she can shove a toy in his trap. She’s got it all figured out. Clearly.

Why is everything ‘poop and pee’ already? I totally thought that was a 4 year old boy thing? NOPE–pretty sure Penelope requests poop for lunch–DAILY! “Penel–what do you feel like having for lunch? Macaroni n’ cheese or chicken nuggets?” …and this is what you get, “I want poop, mom. Poop chicken or Macaroni Poop for snack”.  Delightful, thank you for your order.  Happy to serve you.

I find that without coffee, I am a total BEAST.  Ask my husband–or Penelope for that matter. I am nodding off before 9 am, while feeding Ollie…or I have zero patience–due to lack of energy.  It was 1 o’clock the other day and I actually said to my child “Mommy needs coffee before she hurts someone” and Penelope reminded me that hurting someone isn’t nice, and off we went for the daily run. It’s unbelievable though, it’s a total game changer for a mom (in my opinion) when you throw caffeine into the mix. It’s like, you become human again–as opposed to a horrific zombie mother who grunts and huffs n’ puffs until the first sip.  Lord give me patience, AND MY MEDIUM ICED. Pronto! Thanks Lord. 

HALLOWEEN INTERVIEW with P:

Are you excited for Halloween? “YES! Them will have all the special treats like lollipops and tootsie rolls and special pops and more tootsie rolls…oh yum.”

What are you dressing up as for Halloween? “a cookie monster!”

How many treats will you get on Halloween? “cannndy and tootsie rolls too. 2!”

What are you having for Halloween dinner? “Poop dinner and Poop macaronis and polka dots.”

Who are you ‘trick or treating’ with? “mommy and daddy annnnnd pumpkins.”

How many houses will you trick or treat at? “2”