While showering, I was thinking about my messy house and the amount of toys from–well–floor to ceiling. I said to myself, “What if, every parent of a toddler had a sign in their yard or on their front door that said ‘TODDLER X-ING’.”
This sign would not be to warn cars coming down the street that a toddler may be in the yard or to have neighbors be mindful of their crazy pets–but rather to warn people of what’s inside the home. God forbid someone who doesn’t know that you have children walks into your house–they will understand that you are not a complete pig. Having a house constantly in shambles is something every toddler-raising parent can relate to. This WARNING sign will let people know that you aren’t a ‘crazy person’ who takes every pan out of the cabinet and throws it around the kitchen. Your toddler did it. This person will know that you don’t take all of your tupperware lids and violently toss them down the stairs into the front door. Your kid is responsible. If this random house guest needs to use the rest room, they may think that you play with rubber ducks (outside the tub) and that you have no control over what areas you are “powdering”. TODDLER STRIKES AGAIN. If this person works for National Grid and wants to set his laptop up at your dining room table and heaven forbid–plug it in–he should be warned that he’ll be STALKED by an electronic loving kid who wants “ELMO’S SONG” blasted loud and clear across the house.
WIthout having a “TODDLER X-ING” sign at your front door, you are susceptible to endless judgement from the outside world. Everything you clean will be “un-cleaned” by your tot. Every article of clothing you fold will be unfolded and rolled up into a ball by your “little helper”.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Instead of excusing your home’s appearance 15 times, while trying to straighten out the areas that you cannot ‘close behind a LOCKED door,’ save yourself the trouble and just come clean right away. Tell whomever that you have a psycho toddler who can’t resist making messes and ruining your nicely decorated house, but that the child is very friendly and won’t harm them. (Unless a wooden block comes flying from the playroom in the direction of their head–in which case they should duck–QUICKLY.)